“Ah, you’re here.”
Black Rose had been waiting for me to arrive at the Chaos Gate in Mac Anu.
“Even with the corruption, we have no choice. Let’s increase our levels. Let’s choose an appropriate dungeon,” she said with a smile. The situation was almost the same as usual.
“I don’t feel like going to a dungeon today.”
I looked down.
“I was just trying to get some gear in town.”
“Kite? What’s wrong?”
Perhaps she sensed something in my tone, as BlackRose stared into my eyes.
“Did something happen? Hmm? Come on, you can tell me. I’m like a sister to you.”
Her casual attitude and words irritated me for a moment.
Did something happen, you ask? I had no idea what on earth is happening right here right now. I wanted to say that, but I was too tired. So I said something else.
“Are we wrong about how we do this? I’m not confident about it.”
“Hey, hey, what are you saying?”
“Every time we act, something bad happens. That’s a fact, as Balmung and Lios say.”
“I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”
“But…”
“Well, what are you going to do? You…”
“Why did it have to be me?” I grumbled.
“I wish Orca, not me, had received the bracelet. Originally, it was supposed to be that way…”
That was something I had always thought about.
If he had received the bracelet… Yasuhiko would have been able to deal with things much better than I was able to.
The truth is that at a time like this, a guy like Yasuhiko should be at the center of things. A person who is cheerful, has common sense, and can interact with other people without inhibition. An honest person who others naturally gravitate to and want to support.
It was Orca who was supposed to receive the bracelet in the first place. I just happened to be there. Coincidentally, I was given the bracelet on the spur of the moment.
If you compare it to a game, my original role was, at best, one the villagers who appears at the start. Characters who disturb the flow of the game when they say something that a player already understands, such as “You can talk by pressing the A button!” That was me.
This bracelet is not suitable. It was too heavy for me.
I talked about this as I thought of it.
Suddenly, BlackRose stared at me silently.
“Come on!”
She turned to the Chaos Gate and began to enter area words.
We were taken to the cathedral.
“Do you remember this place?” said BlackRose.
I couldn’t forget. It’s the place where I just met her, and the place where the bracelet first appeared. A gloomy and quiet area.
“My brother…” BlackRose said, looking up at the bound goddess.
“He became unconscious here…”
I felt my body shrink inward.
“I’m sorry for keeping silent. Somehow I couldn’t tell you.“
BlackRose smiled a little.
“When I first met you, you brought me here, right? I wanted to see for myself what happened here. But I was scared alone and couldn’t do it. It’s still the same now. I’m scared…”
The surroundings were still tranquil. It was so quiet that I could hear ringing in my ears.
“But, because you were there, I’ve come this far. If at that time I didn’t meet you here, I think everything would have gone to ruins a long time ago.”
BlackRose’s voice was quivering.
“Even so, if you say something like that…”
Being unable to tell the future, she closed her mouth.
I opened my mouth halfway trying to say something, but that was it. I could not say anything.
I’d never been so devastated.
I felt like I was so clever that I was observing everything around me, but in fact, I couldn’t see anything.
Why didn’t she realize that too? Hadn’t she thought of it?
Why did she ever start working with me? I could guess if I thought about it carefully.
She was the same as me. A person close to her was unconscious and she wanted to save him.
I was aware that I was a complete idiot.
I was just like a crab being slowly boiled. I didn’t really understand what those words meant, but it was almost like that.
“Sorry. I apologize,” I said.
“I felt like I was carrying what happened to Orca and these incidents all on my own.”
Then I tried to continue this train of thought.
Yeah, I wanted to be like Yasuhiko. I’ve always wanted to be like him. I had longed for it. But I gave up halfway. Was there anything a mild-mannered person like me could do? Me with a pasta container overheated in the microwave. It was already a limp mess and couldn’t be fixed.
But when he started the game, Yasuhiko said—
You can become the person you want to be in “The World.”—
Could I really be the person I want to be in this world?
No, I had to become the kind of person I wanted to be. I had to believe in myself and change so that I could save everyone.
But I didn’t talk like that.
I thought that I was a little uncomfortable because of too many emotional expressions. Most of the time, I didn‘t trust narcissist people who often talked while using the dash button. I was completely fed up with that sort of thing. And it’s probably the limit as the human that I am who thinks this in the current situation.
In the first place, was it possible for me to “believe in myself”? I wanted a basis for believing it. But I had no such basis. Whether I was being humble or not, I knew I did not have much confidence in myself. In any case, I wasn’t strong enough. I would be no use in these circumstances. I would not be able to resist a strong opponent. On the outside I looked strong to my friends. I was armed with the knowledge, but inside I wasn’t prepared.
When BlackRose met me for the first time, I was strangely able to describe myself in a few words.
But still, I had to become like Yasuhiko.
It seemed that the world was being deceived. Okay, I’ll keep it deceived.
“…What can we do now? Let’s do what we think is best. Only by doing that can we move forward,” I said.
BlackRose had a small smile on her face.
“Yeah, let’s do our best together! I’m sure it will work. My intuition is right!”
.hack//Translate 